THE RUSTLING DOWN THE LINE (Poem)

                                                    THE RUSTLING DOWN THE LINE

                                                            by Thomas Hoskyns Leonard

                                                                        21st. August 2015


                                                                              

                                    What is that curious rustling down the phone

                                     Like nestling owls which obscure the moan?

                                     Is it a Virgin fault,

                                     Or a noise created by some officious dolt

                                     Who'd prefer to strike me with a lightning bolt?

                                     Why does the phone ring just once, twice an hour

                                     The silence on the line making my flatmate pout and glower?

                                      I stretch my memory fully fifteen years back

                                      When the death threat through the rustling came

                                       And sent me running round the country

                                       Feeling remarkably insane.

                                       MI6 perchance, because of the perceptions on my blog?

                                       Those powerful pedos certainly behave like hogs.

                                        But maybe just a coincidence, surmise I,

                                        As I unplug the stupid phone,

                                        Hoping it will die.



                                        Next morning I plug the phone back in.

                                        What a relief! It's working properly with no rustling again.

                                         Then the phone rings while I'm watching cricket.

                                         'Did you have a mortgage with us fifteen years ago?'

                                         A voice from India withholding his number inquired,

                                         'And has your life since then expired?'

                                         ' I do not answer questions like that over the phone'

                                         I calmly replied,

                                         And after what I said next he croaked and may well have died,


Composer's Note: The conversation reported in the second stanza doesn't quite match what was actually said.

8th. September 2015. My phone's finally working again, Virgin got their wires in a twist