Final Scene of TRITHAGORAS VISITS THE ROYAL NUKE

Final Scene of TRITHAGORAS VISITS THE ROYAL NUKE

Scene 3

SAME WAITING ROOM. ENTER TRACY, RUNNING IN BREATHLESS

TRACY: Thanks for staying for the final scene, guys. The following ditty was composed by the eccentric old ditherer who wrote this apology for a play. Tom composed the poem a couple of years back while he was bringing his public health campaign concerning the widespread and thoroughly devastating psychiatric maltreatments in Scotland to the attention of our insipid politicians. So here we go, the Signet, the Circle, and the Shrinks!

The writers to the Signet
In their iconic library reside,
Scottish law to uphold
Like all bold men of old.
Their keeper, the Lord of Clashfern,
Our deep respect does earn,
By promoting dedication and education,
With the highest standards of Scottish pride.
Nobody takes him for a ride.

The high and mighty Judge Dicky Cheapdeath,
Allegedly into boys,
Whips, chains, and dubious toys,
While others corrupted our legal system
To hide their own illegal predilections.
To a Chair of Law he did retire
While the quasi-legal Magic Circle and their decrepit politicians were in
the mire.
Sorcerers all, did they to their Druids’ rings retreat
Without behaving entirely discreet?
Why did we have to tolerate the nasty deadbeats?
Why didn’t they have to face full heat
While to others false justice they did mete?
They make my flesh want to crawl and creep.

The noble Signet and the ignoble Circle?
Should twain still meet,
Then should all good Scotsmen think,
Lest we end up in the drink.
Meanwhile, the cowardly shrinks in Kafka’s Castle hide
While jagging young men’s bare backsides,
Causing narcoleptic malignancy, physical defects,
And other savage side effects.
Dr. Yes. Yes! Dr. Yes,
What peace does your cruel justice really make?
Why do you the Hippocratic oath forsake?
When will you by the law you so sternly uphold abide?
When will you stop sweeping your critics aside?
If only your murderous intent was half-spent.
I’m only just beginning to give vent!

The Signet, the Circle and the shrinks entwine
To rule the population by right divine.
The Keeper, Judge Cheapdeath and Dr. Yes;
Three pillars subject to duress.
May the Signet save us from the rest,
May our mothers save us from all the other suckers and mother fuckers,
When they next crawl out of their stanks and gutters.

TIMOTHY RUNS IN WAVING RED AND BLACK ANARCHIST FLAG, FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY TWINS BRODERICK AND SASHA
TIMOTHY: We not finished yet, guys. At least not until we've bared our arses at ALL the pompous wankers and fuckers to the tune of ' Onward Workfare Soldiers'.

THE TWINS AND TWINKS GLEEFULLY REMOVE THEIR OUTER GARMENTS, DANCE AND PRANCE AROUND IN THEIR IMAGINATIVELY DESIGNED, COLOURFUL UNDERWEAR, AND SING, TO THE TUNE OF ‘ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS’:
Onward Workfare soldiers,
Eating as they dare
With the Cross of Osborne
Going on before
While their fat cat masters
Bitch when they’re too slow
Sideways while they prattle
See the tossers go.

At the doomful triumph
Jesu’s host doth flee
On then Workfare soldiers
On to misery.
Hell’s foundations quiver
As they shake and faze
Mothers lift your voices
Loud your protests raise

Like a flighty army,
Move the Workfare crew
Brothers we are treading
Where the ghouls have trod
We are undivided
All daft sods are we.
One in fright and fear
With no charity

Onward then ye people,
Wear our cruel thongs
Blend with ours your voices
In the death knell song
Gore, blood and dishonour
To the cunt-like king
This for countless ages
Men and women sing

TWINS AND TWINKS TURN AROUND, WRIGGLE THEIR BACKSIDES AT THE AUDIENCE, AND SING THE FINAL VERSE:

Onward Workfare HATERS,
Marching as to war,
With the cross of protest
Going on before
We the classless masters
Lead against the foe
Forward into battle
See our banners go
As we inflict on them
Their tale of woe.

CURTAIN