THE GRAND OLIGARCHS OF QINSATORIX
by Thomas Hoskyns Leonard
PRELIMINARY DRAFT VERSION
EXCERPT (C)
Adam was still wiping the smile off his face, when Lord Trithagoras
rose to his feet.
“Thank you for that heavenly gem, Princess Natasha,” said
the High Head Hin, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “It could have
come from straight out of the eye of the Oracle of Cyclopsenese
herself. We next defer once again to your eternal wisdom by begging
you to read us your proposed revised version of The Top Secret
Creed of the Oligarchs, while I sprinkle the Holy
Water.”
The Princess Natasha stood promptly up, unfurled a sheet of
yellow parchment, and read in a shrill voice:
1. We, the noble fifteen, the courageous Knights of Galahad,
rooted in Madron and Nineveh, are not here to subvert the decisions
of our democratically elected Planet Parliament, but rather to
secretively enhance them.
2. By protecting the vested interests of the broad-sense
aristocracy, we ensure the stability of our society at large down to
the sixth generation.
3. By enhancing Capitalism, we ensure that a vast majority of the
co-operative plebeians in the proletariat have the ways and means to
maintain their humble life-styles.
4. By enforcing global security, we protect our populations
against the animalistic savages, savage animals, terrorists,
anarchists, morons, paupers, heretics, homeless travellers, substance
abusers, unco-operative intellectuals, Pelimodes, Spherical
Splinemen, Apollo frogs, Trinkon lovers, Despoilers of the Orchadeus,
and all other sexual and spiritual deviants and predators who
destabilise the lives of our hard working Nestorian Christian
families.
5. By covertly financing various global and interstellar military
operations we give invaluable assistance to our armanents industry,
enhance commercial trade, and support the interests of the
God-serving Interstellar Eugenics Consortium.
6. By supporting Grossen Pharma and the chemical industries we
catalyse the biochemicalisation and subordination of vast swathes of
our populations, lest senseless creativity should subsume the
stabilising influences of our totalitarian bureaucracies.
7. By creating a steady stream of 'ripples from above', we seek to
confuse and frighten all egocentric and subversive elements of our
Society who run counter to our ideals, and to create a mutually
destructive feeling of group paranoia among them.
8. By seeking interstellar co-operation with the secular and
religious authorities on Planet Remus and Planet Earth, we seek to
enhance the quality of life of co-operative humanoids and
sub-humanoids throughout the known parallel Universes.
9.We come in the name of the one true Messiah himself, with all
his physical forms, and in His Holy Name will we live and die.
10. We shall each recite the Blessing of the Saintly Mother
Ophelia at sunrise each and every day: 'God bless Qinsatorix, God
bless Britain, and may the assorted nefarious rebels, she-devils of
South Artica, and sea monsters of Oceania be stricken by thunderbolts
from on high and by flesh devouring insectoids from below.'
Perchance my sister's taking the proverbial piss again,
pondered Prince Adam, as several drops of Holy Water landed on his
face.
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