1948-2023 . Retired Statistician, Poet, author, historian and campaigner. Co-founder of International Society for Bayesian Analysis and of the Edinburgh All Comers Writers Club and Participant in the 2019 UCL Eugenics Inquiry.
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Wednesday 2 September 2015
NOSH OFF TOP OF THE WALK (Poem)
NOSH OFF TOP OF THE WALK
Thomas Hoskyns Leonard
Jason likes filling himself in 'Filling Station',
Piece of Americana in glass Omni Land;
Neat waitresses with thighs like elks and
Brash waiters with thighs for bis,
As I look forward to the Friday fry.
Chicken Fajitas sizzle without a fizzle
Spicy calamari, loaded skins, sea salt pretzels
Milkshakes, strawberry cheesecakes, and pecan pie
Make the evening go by.
Pastas have improved in 'Taste of Italy'
Used to be dry as a bone
Now my tastebuds do hone,
While my head goes dizzy in a spin
As I take the naff atmosphere in,
Mafioso stuff there is better than at family joints.
'Guiliano's' and ' Mama Roma'.
Shave for profit! Shave for profit!
Fuck it! We're here to fucking eat and be merry, fuck it..
'The Jolly' has a jolly proprietor to behold
Vito, with hair lost since the crashing fire engine,
And that celebrated bracelet wearing thin,
Though not as thin as the hummus in 'Pomegranate';
Full of love hearts,
Gives deals to the elderly, deals to tip jar,
Deals to friends.
Doughty waitresses serve up lashings of nosh,
With plenty of shouts and a scowl in yer face.
What if pizza's burnt, potatoes are black, orange juice is sour,
Or coke is still lacking fizz?
Don't complain to the head chef; there isn't one, just scamps;
Play up to the arch-philanthropist,say that it's 'awfully nice',
And realise that if you like it cheap you have to play the dice,
What else is there? Don't even try!
Let the bent proprietors on t'other side go by,
Pasquale excepted of course; he ain't bent;
Go to 'Deep Sea Fry',
Where he serves up cod with a political tirade,
Even in Lent.
So Thomas and I down Broughton St, retreat
Where we the lovely Spanish damsel in 'Nom de Plume' do entreat
To serve us mince beef, tatties, and a very expensive sweet.
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