This draft of a scene of my play summarises how I think
TRITHAGORAS VISITS THE ROYAL NUKE
(copyright Thomas Hoskyns Leonard)
ACT 2 SCENE 2 (Preliminary Draft Version) Again much to much infodump! SAME WAITING ROOM AS IN ACT 1, Scene 1. TRITHAGORAS AND GREUMACH ARE SITTING COSILY TOGETHER ON A LEATHER SOFA.
TRITHAGORAS: What is likely to happen to Timothy and Tracy now, Greumach? I guess that they have been much too cheeky and rebellious for their own good.
GREUMACH: Learn Direct will be extremely angry with them, Trithagoras. Workfare volunteers are supposed to kowtow to their users and abusers with their tails wedged firmly between their legs. The twinks will almost certainly be sanctioned, evicted from their bedsit in their derelict high-rise in Wester Hailes, and forced to scavenge for food for several more months. Maybe they'll find it necessary to tout their wares by the National Monument on Calton Hill.
TRITHAGORAS: In that case, I'd better take them back to Qinsatorix with me. Maybe Princess Natasha and Prince Hamlet will put them on Pageboyfare on even employ them as Gentlefolk of the Bedchamber or Guardians of the Dorgi-Corgis.
GREUMACH: The Workfare statistics are astounding, my friend. There are over seventy thousand sanctions a year in Scotland alone. The providers at Learn Direct receive bonuses for sanctioning volunteers and they receive special training in a sleepy hollow in the Highlands on how to be viciously cruel to the more vulnerable ones.
TRITHAGORAS: You're living in a Nazi-esque society, Greumach. No wonder so many of your brave citizens are mentally ill.
GREUMACH: If everything you've told me is true, my friend, it is Big Pharma who is ultimately responsible for our current totally barbaric state of affairs.
TRITHAGORAS: What is likely to happen to Timothy and Tracy now, Greumach? I guess that they have been much too cheeky and rebellious for their own good.
GREUMACH: Learn Direct will be extremely angry with them, Trithagoras. Workfare volunteers are supposed to kowtow to their users and abusers with their tails wedged firmly between their legs. The twinks will almost certainly be sanctioned, evicted from their bedsit in their derelict high-rise in Wester Hailes, and forced to scavenge for food for several more months. Maybe they'll find it necessary to tout their wares by the National Monument on Calton Hill.
TRITHAGORAS: In that case, I'd better take them back to Qinsatorix with me. Maybe Princess Natasha and Prince Hamlet will put them on Pageboyfare on even employ them as Gentlefolk of the Bedchamber or Guardians of the Dorgi-Corgis.
GREUMACH: The Workfare statistics are astounding, my friend. There are over seventy thousand sanctions a year in Scotland alone. The providers at Learn Direct receive bonuses for sanctioning volunteers and they receive special training in a sleepy hollow in the Highlands on how to be viciously cruel to the more vulnerable ones.
TRITHAGORAS: You're living in a Nazi-esque society, Greumach. No wonder so many of your brave citizens are mentally ill.
GREUMACH: If everything you've told me is true, my friend, it is Big Pharma who is ultimately responsible for our current totally barbaric state of affairs.
PICTURE OF IAN DUNCAN SMITH APPEARS ON SCREEN
VOICE OF IAN DUNCAN SMITH: I don't care how many people have died. I'm PROUD of my reforms, which have enhanced the quality of life of the British people.
GREUMACH: What a nasty little man.
GREUMACH: What a nasty little man.
PICTURE OF CHURCHILLIAN-LOOKING GEORGE OSBORNE APPEARS ON SCREEN
VOICE OF GEORGE OSBORNE: We propose to use online cognitive behavioural therapy to improve employment outcomes for people with mental health conditions, and psychological treatments to force people into work.
TRITHAGORAS: What a horrible form of mind control!
GREUMACH: It certainly is, Trithagoras, but at least the ghastly sorts of mind control experiments which Ewen Cameron participated in at McGill University in Montreal are things of the distant past.
TRITHAGORAS: I suspect that that is not entirely true, old chap. A girl has complained quite recently on Mad in Canada's Facebook page about the way she was abused and mistreated by a psychiatrist at McGill. The nasty shrink told her patient how her mentors similarly mistreated the twenty-two thousand or so Duplessis orphans of Quebec during the 1950s.
GREUMACH: How absolutely horrifying! All those poor orphans were incorrectly diagnosed as mentally deficient, and locked up and sexually, physically, and chemically abused. To cap that, they were used in medical experiments where they were subjected to electric shock and forced to take all sorts of toxic medications. And the perpetrators were never properly brought to justice!
TRITHAGORAS: What a horrible form of mind control!
GREUMACH: It certainly is, Trithagoras, but at least the ghastly sorts of mind control experiments which Ewen Cameron participated in at McGill University in Montreal are things of the distant past.
TRITHAGORAS: I suspect that that is not entirely true, old chap. A girl has complained quite recently on Mad in Canada's Facebook page about the way she was abused and mistreated by a psychiatrist at McGill. The nasty shrink told her patient how her mentors similarly mistreated the twenty-two thousand or so Duplessis orphans of Quebec during the 1950s.
GREUMACH: How absolutely horrifying! All those poor orphans were incorrectly diagnosed as mentally deficient, and locked up and sexually, physically, and chemically abused. To cap that, they were used in medical experiments where they were subjected to electric shock and forced to take all sorts of toxic medications. And the perpetrators were never properly brought to justice!
PICTURE OF DR. JEFFREY LIEBERMAN APPEARS OF SCREEN
VOICE OF JEFFREY LIEBERMAN: I am Dr. Jeffrey Lieberman, chairman of the historically renowned Department of Psychiatry at Columbia University. In 2005, I and my co-authors published an extremely well-cited article in the New England Journal of Medicine which reported the conclusions of the CATIE study for which I was Principal Investigator. We concluded that around 75% of patients with chronic schizophrenia who are prescribed with atypical anti-psychotic drugs will experience intolerable side effects during the first fifteen months of treatment. Indeed, during our clinical trials over a thousand patients experienced intolerable side effects during a similar time period.
TRITHAGORAS: How ridiculous! The idiot's admitting his involvement in the torture of over a thousand members of the human race.
GREUMACH: And he still advocates the widespread prescription of atypical anti-psychotics including the much dreaded olanzapine, quetiapine and risperidone. Millions of patients suffer unimaginably and many die, while Big Pharma gets richer and richer on the proceeds.
TRITHAGORAS: How ridiculous! The idiot's admitting his involvement in the torture of over a thousand members of the human race.
GREUMACH: And he still advocates the widespread prescription of atypical anti-psychotics including the much dreaded olanzapine, quetiapine and risperidone. Millions of patients suffer unimaginably and many die, while Big Pharma gets richer and richer on the proceeds.
PICTURE OF PROFESSOR JOSEPH BIEDERMAN APPEARS ON SCREEN
VOICE OF JOSEPH BIEDERMAN: I am Joseph Biederman, the world-renowned, award-winning Professor of Psychiatry in the Harvard Medical School. I am one of the leading advocates of the widespread prescription of Ritalin and Adderall for naughty children who are thought to have ADHD. Hang the potentially murderous violence and all the other nasty side effects! I was once disciplined for conflict of interest after I received over 1.6 million dollars consulting fees from Big Pharma. Silly me! I forgot to report a chunk of it to my employers. What the fuck!
TRITHAGORAS: What a charming member of the human race.
GREUMACH: Maybe I should escape to Qinsatorix too.
GREUMACH: Maybe I should escape to Qinsatorix too.
PICTURE OF DR. ALISTAIR STRANGELOVE APPEARS ON SCREEN
VOICE OF STRANGELOVE: Hi there, fellow Scotsmen. I'm Dr. Alistair Strangelove, the recently retired President of the North Atlantic Consortium of Psychiatrists, erstwhile consultant psychiatrist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Morningside and a once much-feared Justice of the Peace. Fourteen years ago, I told my rough-and-tough staff nurses to jag an absolutely adorable young man in his shiny white bottom with flupentixol, for thinking that he was Jesus and carrying a cross on his back along Princes Street in the hope of a free bed for the night.
TRITHAGORAS (ASIDE TO AUDIENCE): While you may well wonder whether this character is real, the story he relates is entirely based on fact, and with the expressed permission of an unfortunate young man who has been regularly turned over and injected with toxic psych meds for the past fourteen years.
GREUMACH: Strangelove's a right pillock if ever there was one, and he's suspected of doing far worse than that to patients who object too strongly.
VOICE OF STRANGELOVE: The medication paralysed the silly fool and put him on crutches, and when he disrupted the ward by smiling too much we had to throw him into solitary, puncture his dimples with tranquillisers, and leave him peering through the bars for fifteen days. Three years later we decided to jag him with modecate instead of his flupentixol, and he immediately stopped hobbling and threw away his crutches.
GREUMACH: Jesus wept balls of fire.
VOICE OF STRANGELOVE: The lad's a mite plumper nowadays and lives in an intermittent sleep haze, but his modecate makes him so outrageously horny that the ladies form a queue. Whoops! Where am I now? Gee whiz! Your guess is as good as mine.
GREUMACH: In a padded cell with a picturesque view of the Tweed, I hope.
GREUMACH: Strangelove's a right pillock if ever there was one, and he's suspected of doing far worse than that to patients who object too strongly.
VOICE OF STRANGELOVE: The medication paralysed the silly fool and put him on crutches, and when he disrupted the ward by smiling too much we had to throw him into solitary, puncture his dimples with tranquillisers, and leave him peering through the bars for fifteen days. Three years later we decided to jag him with modecate instead of his flupentixol, and he immediately stopped hobbling and threw away his crutches.
GREUMACH: Jesus wept balls of fire.
VOICE OF STRANGELOVE: The lad's a mite plumper nowadays and lives in an intermittent sleep haze, but his modecate makes him so outrageously horny that the ladies form a queue. Whoops! Where am I now? Gee whiz! Your guess is as good as mine.
GREUMACH: In a padded cell with a picturesque view of the Tweed, I hope.
PICTURE OF DR.JACK CARRUTHERS-SMYTHE APPEARS ON THE SCREEN
VOICE OF CARRUTHERS-SMYTHE: As far as I can remember, I am Dr. Jack Carruthers-Smythe, one of the leading forensic psychiatrists in Scotland and not the pompous turkey who flits around the Glassworks sauna boasting that he is the man who decides whether murderers are sane or insane. I work in the Orchard Clinic in Morningside, Edinburgh, and I teach my Masters students how to jag insane murderers and violent offenders with a deftly engineered twist of the needle.
GREUMACH: I'm sometimes led to wonder whether Jack the Mack puts suspects on psych meds when he wrings confessions out of them for violent crime.
VOICE OF CARRUTHERS-SMYTHE: The Redwood Ward is full of the debased rotters, and we need extra help to treat all their nasty physical ailments. We incarcerated a political prisoner called George Farquhar there in 2003 and he didn't enjoy being jumped on and pinned to the floor by our gang of jolly staff nurses either.
TRITHAGORAS: Screw that shrink!
VOICE OF CARRUTHERS-SMYTHE: What a performance! Georgie Porgy had been chasing after the powerful paedophiles and freemasons in ever increasing concentric circles, and he was clapped in irons and sectioned for his sins when he took a picture of a cantankerous police officer in action, the silly fool. There's life for you!
GREUMACH: I'm sometimes led to wonder whether Jack the Mack puts suspects on psych meds when he wrings confessions out of them for violent crime.
VOICE OF CARRUTHERS-SMYTHE: The Redwood Ward is full of the debased rotters, and we need extra help to treat all their nasty physical ailments. We incarcerated a political prisoner called George Farquhar there in 2003 and he didn't enjoy being jumped on and pinned to the floor by our gang of jolly staff nurses either.
TRITHAGORAS: Screw that shrink!
VOICE OF CARRUTHERS-SMYTHE: What a performance! Georgie Porgy had been chasing after the powerful paedophiles and freemasons in ever increasing concentric circles, and he was clapped in irons and sectioned for his sins when he took a picture of a cantankerous police officer in action, the silly fool. There's life for you!
TRITHAGORAS: Let's get out of here, Greumach. Some of you humans are simply too much to take.
GREUMACH: A drink in the Flotterstone Inn, maybe?
TRITHAGORAS: Followed by a brisk walk through the Pentlands, I hope.
GREUMACH: Maybe I'll wear my Hibs Casuals scarf, old bean.
GREUMACH: A drink in the Flotterstone Inn, maybe?
TRITHAGORAS: Followed by a brisk walk through the Pentlands, I hope.
GREUMACH: Maybe I'll wear my Hibs Casuals scarf, old bean.
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